Let's Talk About Therapy

Choosing the right therapist for your needs is of the utmost importance when beginning therapy. I would like to share some of my core beliefs about therapy, change, and life in general so that you have an idea of what to expect from me if we are working together.

A Therapist Walks With You, Not Ahead of You

You are the expert on yourself and no amount of time working together will change that. Therefore, my role is not to lead you into what I think is best for you, but rather to meet you where you are in life and help you navigate to where you would like to be. 

Change is Difficult and (Often) Slow

A common phrase when working with individuals with substance abuse concerns is that "relapse is part of recovery," which, in a broader scope, can be stated as "relapse is part of change" or the old adage "two steps forward, one step back." By our nature we tend to be creatures of habit and routine, and it is often very difficult to break out of those well-established patterns. In all likelihood we'll bounce between successes and failures while we try to create permanence in our changes. Keep in mind that many quick changes (eg New Year's resolutions) are short-lived because our old patterns start to resurface and we eventually don't resist them taking over again. This leads to me....

Failure is Great!

Failure happens for a lot of reasons. Sometimes we're giving 100% and we're unfortunate enough to encounter and unwinnable situation. Sometimes we're giving a half-hearted attempt and we come up short of our goals. In other instances we may give minimal or no effort and create a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. In any case, we can learn a lot from our failures, including how we process disappointment, how to find the bright spots in what we did accomplish, and how to develop our motivation to try again. If we decide not to try something again, at least we can say we gave it a go and it wasn't for us, which is generally a lot better than "what if" that churns in our head if we never made an attempt.

Achievable Goals ≠ Simple Goals

Setting unrealistic, lofty goals is often a problem when going into therapy. Unachievable goals lead to frustration which leads to quitting the process entirely. Setting goals that we can complete (with effort) and that have notable milestones is tremendously helpful for helping us see the change we are creating and keeping us motivated to continue the work. As an example, let's say that you have been experiencing a profound depression and have been struggling to get out of bed, maintain hygiene, and interact with others. We can all agree that it would be great if you could "just snap out of it," but when has that ever actually happened? Instead of setting a goal to fix all of that at once, maybe we work on getting out of bed the same time every day and showering every other day for a week. This may seem like a small change to an outsider, but when you've got the weight of major depression holding you down this kind of goal setting can create significant empowerment moving forward and gives us a foundation for future work.

Humor is Undervalued and Important

Humor is often an overlooked component of healing. Quick graduate school story: students completing internships receive a lot of supervision both in group and one-on-one settings. There was a small collective of students in my program who felt like there was an over-emphasis put on clients crying during a session, as if the most important work was being done only when tears were present. We contended that it's much more difficult to foster laughter than tears in a session, and that the work being done with laughter present is just as valuable to the client and the overall process. We didn't advocate for using humor and laughter instead of going to a more solemn or sad place with clients but rather using them together if appropriate for the situation. The bottom line is that we can feel many different ways about a situation (often all at once!) and we should experience and process all of our feelings, not just certain ones. 

Break Away from Black and White and Explore the Gray

We live in a world that seems increasingly polarized in ways that are harmful to our general thought process because we're quicker to dismiss ideas that don't nicely sit with the rest of our core beliefs. New perspectives are often needed to help us create change, so we need to be willing to branch out and consider all of our options if we want to find optimal ways to manage our struggles. 

Changing the Shape of One Cog Doesn't Repair a Broken Clock

As individuals we may be able to change our own habits or routines, but without systemic change we may struggle to create lasting change when it comes to our family, friends, and coworkers. We can work together to devise the most practical ways to create lasting change not only in ourselves, but in others as well.

Some Relationships Can't Be Saved

Not all relationships can be repaired. The goal of marriage and couples counseling should be to bring individuals together to discuss differences, reconcile if possible, and determine what type of relationship they will (or won't) have as they move forward. 

Normal Doesn't Exist

In all likelihood, we can agree that having dinner is a "normal" thing to do, but... When do we eat dinner? Do we cook, order delivery, or go to a restaurant? Will it be the largest or smallest meal of the day? Will it be served all at once or in different courses? "Normal" has incredible variability. Instead of looking outward for what we think other people normally do, we should work with what we want to be normal for us.

If You Have Made It This Far...

In our time together I will pull from various counseling approaches including family systems theory, CBT, DBT, and solution-focused therapy. I also enjoy play therapy and find it can be helpful for individuals of all ages, not just children. If you would like to know more about me or are interested in scheduling an appointment, please use the contact information on this site to get in touch. I look forward to speaking with you!